It's been so long! I've become the worst blogger! But I'm trying! It's just that there really isn't time! But I never FEEL busy. It's the strangest thing. Time just flies away every single day until suddenly it's bedtime and I'm exhausted.
It's a new life for me. A wonderful life! So incredibly different than how it was for so long. Brian and I turn the lights off at night and at least once a week one of us makes a statement about how we can't believe how lucky we are, do we really have a beautiful baby in the room next door, have we really had almost six months of pure bliss?! We came from such an incredibly dark place that it's impossible to not look at this new life with gratitude and amazement.
It's like our lives picked up where they left off in January 2010. It's the weirdest thing. I can't even put it into words. That's not saying all has been forgotten. Not even close. There are daily reminders. There's still a lingering sadness, a thought about what could have been, but mostly it's just straight up, annoying happiness in the Smith household.
Brian has over 8 months of sobriety. It's not something I talk about much. I've always felt that was his story to tell, even though it's been a HUGE part of my life, a huge factor in my depression, it's still been his battle. But I'm so lucky to finally have him back. It was hard going through losses and infertility "alone". But it's really nice to have the man I married back. Weird (Something only someone who has been there could get.). But nice.
Laura Kate is 5 1/2 months now. She's still the sweetest, smartest, and cutest baby that has ever existed! She started sitting unassisted at 4 1/2 months. She can roll over from back to front and vice versa. She loves to be "scared" with a loud "Boo" and it's just about the only thing that gets her giggling....unless you're a dog or a cat.... Or the tickle monster! She LOVES our pets. And while none of them reciprocate that love to the same degree they do tolerate her very well. I'm pretty sure our oldest cat, Marshall, secretly loves having her "pet" him. He approaches timidly, eyes half closed like he is worried she might accidentally gouge them out (smart cat!) but he enjoys how rough she pets him.
She reaches up and out when she wants me to hold her. Cutest thing ever!!! And I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy when she wants me over anyone else. I know one day that will change!
Separation anxiety seems to be kicking in over the last couple weeks. Some days are worse than others. Thank God for my ergo! I can still get laundry done, dishes put away, vacuuming, etc and not have to hear her scream because she can't see me! And then other days she is happy as can be playing by herself while I get things done. But leaving her with grandparents or in the childcare room at the gym have proven to be a bit trickier just in the last couple weeks. But we ate figuring it all out and making things work!
And she is taking baby steps to getting mobile! Yikes! Sitting up kept her content for a couple weeks but now it's really not enough. The wheels are turning. She wants things out of her reach and will fall over and roll around to try and get to them. And then gets really frustrated when she can't sit back up. So I don't know how long it will be before she is crawling but I can tell she is hoping it's later today!
Brian and I had a little discussion about TTC again. Originally I said at her one year birthday I'd be ready. I wanted a full year to just enjoy her. But six months have gone by so fast that I'm not sure I will be ready in another six months. I want more kids and I do feel like there's a clock in my ear, ticking really LOUD, but I'm just not ready to go back "there". It's such a dark place. I don't want to subject myself, my marriage, or my daughter to it.
Not to mention, I'm breastfeeding and have every intention of continuing this at the very least another 6 months. I also don't want to be the one who weans her. I want her to wean herself. But if we make it to 2 years I will probably go ahead and wean her so that we can try again for another baby. I don't think I'll be mentally or emotionally ready to do another IVF ever again but two years is probably the longest we should go if we hope to have any chance of success.
We will see.
So back to Laura Kate! We have been introducing her to food, BLW style, for about a month now. She started grabbing for food off our plates right after Christmas and even though she wasn't the recommended 6 months, she had met all the developmental milestones they suggest before allowing solids so we just followed her lead. We actually don't give her solids daily or with any consistency but if the opportunity arises we go with it. She is still 100% breastfed and I suspect it will still be another month or longer before she figures out how to actually swallow the food we give her!
But she loves everything we have given her so far: avocados, banana, broccoli, asparagus, sweet potato, carrot, onion, bell pepper, mango, strawberry, orange, apple, cucumber, steak, noodles, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few! I originally thought I should cook everything for her so it's soft and mushy and easier to swallow but I'm finding raw is just as good, nowhere near as messy, and in some cases I think she prefers if. We now take a baggy of raw broccoli and bell pepper with us when we go out to eat. She gnaws and sucks on it and stays very entertained. Plus broccoli and bell pepper doesn't stain her clothes! It all ends up on the floor but who cares?!
So that's about it for now! See ya in another couple months (hopefully sooner but let's be real)!!!